Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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