ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Life is so much better after having sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
