maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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