OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
