ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
