She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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