i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
