you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
