So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
