So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Panties = found
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
