my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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