what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
