Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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