Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
