I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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