I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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