I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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