How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
