Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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