I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
