Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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