whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
