Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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