hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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