Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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