dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
