She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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