I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
