Non-Jews are for practice
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
