is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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