I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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