Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
