no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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