You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
