My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
