I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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