I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
