The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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