the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
