Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
