3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
