theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
