I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
