Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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