Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
