the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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