He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
