Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
