We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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