he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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