Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
