yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
