I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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