meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize