If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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