apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
