so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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