They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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