Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
