What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
