Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
