I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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