How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
