WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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