he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
These tits shall not be calmed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize