Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
