This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
