hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
