I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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