Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
