Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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