Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
its liver damage thursday
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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