First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize