i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
