it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
