she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Randomize
