Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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