she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize