U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
