I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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