I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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