fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
