i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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