he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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