Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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