just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
whose parrot is this?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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