The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
is this the sara with the beer cane?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
