ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Enjoy the penises
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
